I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
