Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
