let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she pinky promised me she was 18
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
