I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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