Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
