if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A bitchslap is in order.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
