Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
