I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
