So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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