What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
