You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
