Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
