if only i could text you this smell
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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