You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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