I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
