do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
