when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
