Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
