Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
