If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
