i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
