he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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