Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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