omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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