Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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