We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There's even glitter on my cock...
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