i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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