RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
