My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
