I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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