Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
