He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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