As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
