I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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