your room smells of hookers.
And success
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
