She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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