How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
