WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
