His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
