im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
