That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
