somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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