remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
