I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
