One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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