Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize