there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
