What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The air taste purple.
Randomize
