I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
