There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
