Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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