is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
