I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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