Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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