I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
