awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
