THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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