Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
