bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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