Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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