[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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