not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
