We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
