I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
