She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm like, not good at living.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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