I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize