in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
