I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
