her vagine was all disorganized.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
